Twists of Fate
by Hetalia-Girl-500
Summary: Ok so I just thought of this and wanted to start it writing it so yeah. Review please? *puppy eyes* Multiple chapter. non-pairing. Post WWII Berlin wall era. a Sympathetic, but creepy/evil Russia. Rated M for violence, abuse, torture, attempted suicide, self abuse etc in later chapters. *hugs Prussia and Germany* Ok so now onto this rather Dark!Hetalia fic. The year is 1961...
1. Chapter 1: Sacrifice

_Prussia's POV_

Chapter 1

Sacrifice

I walked up to the door. My hand on the knob… I thought about turning around, but I didn't do it. I couldn't. I'd always protected my little brother and nothing could change… I opened the door. I forced a smile at America, France, England… and Russia…. All sitting there deciding the fate of Europe… West… me…

"Hey guys!" I pretend to be my usual cheerful self.

"East Germany" England stood, "What are you doing here? You don't belong here."

"No I just…" I sighed, sitting down, "I have a deal to propose."

"We've had enough of you and your brother. No deals." America snapped.

"Just listen to me America!" I snapped back. "I can't let you hurt West like that! I can't!" I looked at England, France and America… then back to Russia. That man terrified me, but I had to do this. West needed me. "I… you're tearing apart Europe… I know Russia is getting a lot of it I… I can't…" I bit my lip until I tasted blood. "Take. Me." I sighed. "If I let Russia take me, instead of both of us… and I go willingly with him… will you agree?" I looked to Russia.

A terrifyingly cute smile curled on his lips… and he nodded. "Da." He said simply.

I was mentally trembling, but only mentally. "And you'll leave West alone? You won't hurt him?"

"Da I won't hurt him." Russia's smile grew and I had to use all my self control not to let out a shudder, though I'm sure he could tell how scared I was from my eyes…

England looked at America and France, and they both nodded.

"All right Prussia." America stood too. "It seems we all agree. Tomorrow we were going to announce who will go with whom… but it will change. You will go with Russia after the treaties are read." he nodded.

I stood, bowing to all of them, glancing at Russia. "Danke Schon America…dank schon." I walked out of the room before they could see the tears in my eyes… I went home to find West worrying.

"Hey!" I flopped on the couch next to him. "Wanna watch a movie or something? It's been a while since you and I just hung out."

"I can't East. Tomorrow they decide our fate…. I can't even think of doing something fun."

"Aw come on West…" I was aching inside. "You need to relax. Everything'll be ok."

"If Russia takes us it won't be ok!"

"West." I sighed. "It'll be ok. I'm sure it will. Russia may be a monster, but America, England, and France aren't. I'm sure they won't let him hurt us." I forced a smile, crying inside.

"Are you sure?" He turned to look at me.

I smiled. "Yeah I'm sure." I smiled again, nodding.

A faint smile crossed his lips too. "Ok. So, what movie?"

"I don't know…" I laughed. "We have to do something fun though." I stood, taking his hand and pulling him up. "I want to hang out with my little brother!"

He smiled fully then, which rarely happened. "All right bruder. We'll do something fun." He smiled.

We stayed up almost all night watching a movie, laughing, finishing the bird house he'd been working on, and just talking, and we both laughed. He never laughed. But he laughed that night… when we were both happy together…

"Now for the countries Russia will take…" The reader began.

I looked over at West. He was holding his breath I could tell… I smiled at him reassuringly. He looked at me… looked at me like he wondered. He didn't have to wonder long.

"And East Germany."

West stood up… shocked. Russia walked right over to me and yanked me up by my arm. "He's mine now West Germany. You can go away."

Tears filled my eyes and I tried to force them back.

West turned to me, tears starting to spill over his cheeks. "Prussia…?"

I shook my head. "No…" Tears fell now… "No my name is the Deutsche Demokratische Republik…" I had to use all my control now to keep from sobbing. "I love you…West…." I looked away from him, I couldn't watch him cry…

"Bruder… nein… nein…" He was sobbing now I could hear him….

"West please don't cry… please…" I fought the tears…

"Why did you do this?"

I looked up at him. So he'd figured out that I'd done it… "I…" I couldn't tell him.

"I agreed to take him instead of both of you when he volunteered to come yesterday." Russia answered for me with his sweet, sickening smile.

"Y…you did this to protect me?" Germany reached for my hand, but Russia pulled me away. I only nodded. "Ich libe dich… bruder…"

I couldn't answer. If I opened my mouth a knew only a sob would come out… I just nodded as Russia dragged me away…

"PRUSSIA!" West screamed my name, my real name… as he fell to his knees. I looked away… I couldn't see Germany like that… I couldn't. "Ich libe dich bruder…" I whispered to him, though I knew he couldn't hear me… once Russia took me to my new room and left me there… then I cried. I cried and cried and cried and cried.


	2. Chapter 2: Day 1

_Still Prussia's POV _

_The date: August 13th 1961 _

Chapter 2

Day 1

I opened my eyes. My head…. _hurt. _I touched it. It was bandaged… I tried to sit up, but it was too fast. I moaned, letting myself fall onto the hard prison bed again. I put my hand to my head and sat up slowly… and took in where I was. It was a small room… more like a prison cell. No windows. One door. Total darkness. The door however, was open. I could only assume that meant I was allowed to exit. I did. The hallway was long, long enough so I couldn't see the light from it in my room. The only light back there was a small lamp on the small table. I walked though the door at the end of the hall which led to outside. I froze… no…

Towering above me was a concrete wall. Barbed wire covered the top, barring my from my brother. I ran up to the wall and slammed my fists against it. "GERMANY!" I screamed for him. No answer… I kept pounding on the wall even though I knew it wouldn't do any good. "GERMANY! GERMANY! BRUDER! BRUDER!" I screamed, sobbing. My fists beat against the concrete again and again until blood dripped down the wall and my hands were broken. I screamed his name until my voice was too horse to scream anymore… then I fell to my knees, huddled against the wall… and sobbed.

I must have sobbed myself to sleep because when I woke up I was back in my 'room'. I was alone again. I looked down at my hands. They'd been cleaned and bandaged. I was wearing fresh white clothes. I looked over at the small table. There was a mug and a note by it. I could smell the warm tea in the mug…

** For your voice **

the note said simply.

I bit my lip. Who was this from? For all I knew the tea could be drugged, but I was thirsty and my throat burned. I drank it… and it _did _feel good on my voice. I sighed. I took the mug in my hands and sat back down on my bed. My hands hurt like hell, and my headache was even worse. Crying and screaming hadn't been very helpful. I'd known Russia would keep me separated from West… but a wall… a giant unbreathable concrete wall… that I hadn't expected. He couldn't even hear me over it… I threw the mug against the walls of my prison, also concrete. It broke. In my mind it almost looked like it fell to the ground in slow motion, shattering into a million pieces. I curled up into a little ball on my bed and sobbed myself to sleep again…

When I woke up the next morning the bandages on my hands had been changed and my breakfast was on the table. How had I managed to sleep through all the noise that must have made? I shrugged and walked up to my breakfast. Oatmeal and milk… not the best, but not the worst. I tasted the oatmeal. It had honey added to it. That I liked. I finished it and drank the milk. The door was still open so I went outside again, trying not to look at that horrible wall… I tried to run to the other side of it… but a guard found me.

"Hey there." I smirked. "Just looking around. You know you could really do with some decorating on that wall of yours… got any spray paint?" I smirked, trying to cover how terrified I really was. It didn't work. I got the butt of his gun shoved in my face sending me sprawling to the ground. "Hey!" I snapped. I tried to get up but he hit me again. I scrambled out of the way, taking a few step back. He didn't follow me, but aimed his gun in my direction. I got out of there as fast as I could. I ran the other way, but only met another guard. This one didn't bother with hitting me and went straight to aiming his gun at my chest. I knew he couldn't kill me, it's hard to kill a country, but that bullet would hurt.

"Dude chill out!" I put my hands up and winced. "Why are you guys all so touchy?" I bit my lip.

"Stay away from the wall." The guard snapped simply.

I looked over at it again, other guards were starting to lay mines all along it with more barbed wire… crap…

I focused back on the guard. "Ok ok I'll stay away. Now enough with the gu-" I couldn't finish because he flipped his gun and hit my face with the back end. I was on the ground again instantly. "Ow…" I winced. I looked around for someone to help me before this guy beat me to a blood pulp. No such luck. He kept pounding me with the butt of that gun. I coughed blood onto the pavement… I blinked, my eyes widening. That wasn't good. I looked back up at him, putting my arms over my head to try and guard my face, so he hit my chest again. I heard rips crack. He kicked me again. "Get out of here you piece of-" I was crying to hard to hear what he called, but it was obvious enough… I managed to drag myself a few feet away from him until I passed out.

I winced, opening my eyes. My body was bandaged, but aching in pain. I looked over at the table. I saw a glass of water. I moaned, managing to get to my feet and walked over to it. There was another note, and two small white pills beside the water.

** Sorry about the guards. I'll try to keep them under control next time. The pills are for the pain**.

I rolled my eyes. I took the pills anyway. Even if they were some kind of strange drug it would probably help with the pain right? I shrugged. I didn't really care if they did or not, but they actually did. It wasn't too long before I started to feel a little better. I stayed in my room this time, just thinking. I have no idea how long I sat there on my bed… but it was a few hours at least.

Then he walked in. Russia. I pressed myself into the corner. Why was he here? I winced. What was he going to do to me?

"Privet German Democratic Republic." he nodded to me. I nodded back, trembling. "Welcome to hell."


	3. Chapter 3: Kindness?

Chapter 3

Kindness?

Alone. I was alone now. Russia had shut the door to my prison on his way out. I wouldn't be leaving this place tonight. I looked down at my hands, which he'd just bandaged again for me… for some reason I'd let him…. shock maybe? It was possible. I didn't say a word, and hardly moved, when he'd come to see me. He avoided touching my skin at all, even when he cleaned the wounds on my hands he tried not to touch or hold my hands. I let them rest on my knees as he cleaned and dressed them… I looked down at his work again. They were well bandaged, and with the salve they felt cool, still painful, but not as much. He left some more painkillers by the bed. Not enough for me to really overdose, but enough to last the night. I sighed. I wish he'd have left more…I took some, and sat down on my bed. So…what was I supposed to do now? I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't let myself sleep. Who knew what that Russia freak would do to me if I let myself sleep!? I looked around the room. There was my bed, the table, the lamp… on the table was just Russia's note, a bottle of water, and the painkillers. Nothing else. I sighed. The least he could have done was left me paper and a pen.

I flopped back on my bed, ready to die or boredom. I sighed. Gilbird always cheered me up when I was sad and bored… Ever since I had stopped becoming a country I'd felt like this a lot… and Gilbird always cheered me up. But Gil wasn't here now…He hadn't come with me. I knew Germany would take good care of him for me, but I missed him… a lot.

I sighed deeply, looking up at the ceiling of my cell…I sighed again. It'd been a while since I prayed…

"God…" I whispered. I felt tears filling my eyes, but I tried to force them back. I couldn't think of anything to say… "Please… please help me…" I rolled over on my side, unable to keep the tears back anymore… and I cried. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I sobbed until my throat felt raw, my eyes burned, and my head pounded. Until my eyes didn't even have any more tears to give me, but I kept crying. Dry sobs… eventually I just cried myself to sleep.

I opened my eyes to see Russia sitting by my bed watching me sleep! I jumped with a surprised squeak.

"Good morning German Democratic Republic." Russia smiled innocently.

I bit my lip. I still didn't like being called that. "W…what are you doing here?" I internally winced. What new torture would he think up today?

"Did you sleep well?" He smiled again without missing a beat.

"No!" I snapped.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I think you will sleep well tonight though, da?"

Whatever that meant I doubted it was good news. "Oh?" I replied simply.

"Yes. You will. There is much work to be done at my house. Lithuania can't do it on his own, and the others are not strong enough. You will do it now." He nodded.

I trembled. Working at Russia's house!? I suppose it was part of the deal, but that didn't make me at all happy about it! "That… that's not awesome at all!"

Russia only smiled again. "It's ok. You will get used to it." He pat me on the head.

"Ouch!" I snapped.

Russia glared at me. "You are not allowed to talk that way to me. Do not do it again."

I shivered, if Russia's smile wasn't creepy enough, his glare was even worse. I didn't speak, just nodded.

"Good." Russia went right back to his innocent smile. And by right back I mean instantly… it was creepy… He stood up and turned towards the door.

"When can I see Germany?" I dared to ask.

"Oh never again German Democratic Republic." Russia smiled. "You belong to me now. I'm afraid you can't see Germany any more. Please don't try. The wire is sharp, I don't want you getting hurt."

His last statement I didn't believe at all, but I nodded. Deep down I'd already known I would never see my brother again….

Russia nodded to someone in the hall, and a short little blond boy brought in a set of clothes for me. I wanted my uniform, but knowing Russia he'd probably destroyed it. I rarely wore it except to the world meetings, but right now I just wanted to feel like Prussia again… The clothes weren't that bad though. A pair of jeans and a black tee shirt. It would work.

"It is what you like to wear, da?" Russia asked almost kindly. He'd thought about what I'd like?

I nodded again. "Ja. Danke." I nodded.

"In Russian we say 'da' and 'spasiba'." He smiled almost… kindly?

"Do you want me to speak only Russian now?" I winced.

"Oh of course not." He smiled back. "Though someday I do hope you learn it." He smiled.

I looked at him curiously. He was… almost being… nice? This was making no sense. I looked down at the clothes, and remembered that he was about to take me to his house to work. Any hint of gratefulness I felt towards him was instantly gone. I just nodded again and picked up the clothes. "You're going to leave while I change right?"

"Of course!" Russia smiled, taking the little boy's hand and leading him out.

I changed. The clothes felt reasonably nice actually. I sighed. No mirror.

The little boy walked into the room again. A mirror and comb were in his hands. "Here." He said simply, turning away.

"Wait. What's your name?" I asked as kindly as I could. He seemed scared of me…

"Latvia." He trembled, looking up at me. "A…are you ok?" I saw tears shinning in his big innocent eyes…

"Yeah I'm fine." I smirked. "Don't worry about me." I smiled, nodding.

He smiled back faintly, and sadly, and walked out.

I tried to tame my hair, which insisted on spiking up on the right side because of how I'd slept… eventually I gave up and walked out of the cell, since they'd left the door open again.

Russia smiled when he saw me. "You look very nice Prussia."

"S…Spasiba." I nodded. I have no idea why I decided to use his language, which felt odd and sloppy on my tongue, but I did.

Russia grinned and nodded to me sweetly. "The work is heavy today, are you strong?"

"Of course I am!" I snapped without thinking.

Russia's hand collided with my face. I winced. He was stronger than I thought he would be… I licked blood off my lip… I thought about apologizing, but I didn't. I just stood tall and looked him in the face.

"Don't talk to me like that." Russia sighed sadly. "I don't like hurting you."

I resisted the urge to make a sarcastic comment and nodded. "All right."

He led me to his house and into his yard. "See these rocks? They must be moved." He showed me exactly where he wanted them… a long way away. "Set them up like this please." He gave me a chart. I sighed, nodding. "Something wrong?" He asked.

"Nein." I nodded.

"In Russian we say 'nyet'"

Was he trying to teach me his language? I nodded. "'Nyet' I'm ok." His language felt strange on my tongue. I didn't like the feeling, but I nodded.

Russia smiled. "This is Lithuania." He motioned to the dark haired man who stood trembling beside him. "He will help you." Russia smiled, and walked away.

"Hey." I smiled at Lithuania, sighing.

"H…hello…" He trembled.

"Sheesh. _I'm _not going to hurt you." I shrugged.

"O…ok." He nodded.

I sighed. "So…. I guess we start?"

He nodded and we began. The work _was_ hard, very un-awesome, and _hot. _the sun beat down on us. It was first time since I'd arrived that I'd been hot… it was usually freezing, and it still was outside, but the sun, the work… it was uncomfortable. Eventually we finished. Russia walked outside almost the second we did.

"Spasiba!" He smiled. "This is very good work." He smiled.

Latvia walked out with water for us then. I drank my in almost one gulp.

Russia smiled. "More?"

I nodded.

Latvia gave me more water and I drank it all. "Da…Spasiba." I nodded to Russia.

He smiled. "You may do what you wish now German Democratic Republic." He nodded.

I nodded back and walked away from his house. I walked up to the wall and looked at it… I'd get over it somehow… somehow I would break through it. I went back to my little 'room' and tried to think of a plan…


	4. Chapter 4: Dreams

Chapter 4:

Dreams

"I didn't do it!" I screamed three weeks later. I'd been working in his house for almost a month now and I'd always been almost overly careful not to do anything he wouldn't like…he didn't seem to even hear me. His pipe crashed against my body again and again, blood already poured from my mouth with each strike. I was bleeding all over and with the next strike I felt my ribs crack. With the next they broke. I screamed in pain, looking up at Russia, my face bloody too. "What have I done!?" I screamed at him, begging for some explanation. He didn't answer me. after three more strikes to my body, and head, he walked out of my cell, locked the door, and left me there. I moved my arms from their protective position around my head and took of my shirt. I looked down at what he'd done to me. I could see and feel the point of a broken rib against my side, my body was bruising already. My head ached. I half wondered if he'd cracked my skull. I looked at my arms, they were broken too, bruising, cut and bleeding… I laid on my 'good' side on my bed. Good meaning less completely destroyed. I touched my hair and pulled away a bloody hand. My legs to, would hardly move, though by some miracle they weren't as broken as the rest of me. I moaned in pain for no one to hear, shivering in the cold. I rolled into a little ball as best as I could. The position was painful, but much more painful to move out of. That's when I started to cry. The tears mixed with the blood on my face and fell onto my pillow in red drops. It horrified me. I clutched my bloody nose with my right hand, trying to pinch hard enough to make the bleeding stop, not like I could tell, my hands were already so bloody. Eventually I let go, and it felt a little better, but I was in so much pain I could hardly tell what hurt and what didn't. I glanced at the door. Why had he done this? Why had he just left me? Why… why…why…? So many questions, no where near enough answers… I sighed. I just wanted to go home… home. Just thinking of home made the tears flow all over again… I cried myself to sleep. My dreams were full of my bruder…

_"Prussia!?" He ran up to me, lifting me in his arms. _

_"Germany." I smiled faintly, Russia had just left me here to die. _

_He took me to a hospital. They fixed me up and he didn't leave my side for weeks. _

_"How are you?" He asked gently. _

_"Don't ok." I smiled as he held my hand. _

_"I missed you." _

_"It's only been three weeks. I've been gone for longer than that before." _

_"I know. I still missed you. I always miss you when you're gone." He smiled back at me. _

_I teared up. "I missed you too bruder." _

_He smiled, kissing my cheek and giving me a very gentle hug. He rarely gave hugs, only when he really really meant it. _

_I smiled at him, crying a little more. "Did you really miss me that much?" _

_"Of course I did!" He smiled, crying a little too. "I'm so sorry I caused all this mess… it's my fault…" _

_"You didn't have any control over what your boss told you to do." I growled. That man, I hated him. He'd destroyed Germany. He'd made him fight the other countries, filled his head with lies that he'd eventually believed. But he didn't believe them any more, but the other countries didn't trust him. Even though his boss was dead now they still didn't trust him. It was over, couldn't they see that? They treated him horribly… it made me really really angry. I sighed. "I did it to protect you. Russia would have been even crueler to you. I'm glad I could protect you…" I smiled sadly. _

_"But this was too much… you didn't have to do this…" _

_"Yes I did." _

_"No you-" _

_"Yes I did. It's ok Germany… I'll come back someday…" Somehow everything, including Germany, faded away. "I promise I'll come back…" _

_"Prussia!" He called my name. "Prussia…. Prussia!" _

"Prussia? Prussia?" I felt someone touching my shoulder. I jumped, opening my eyes to see little Latvia kneeling beside my bed. "Are you ok?" He bit his lip.

I forced a smile. "I'm fine." I sighed.

"You don't look fine…"

"But I am." I smiled.

"Russia told me to bring you that." he pointed to the table. Some bandages, salve, medical tape, water, a cloth, a glass of water, and painkillers were on it.

"Danke." I smiled sadly. "Danke schon Latvia."

He smiled. "Russia said I could stay if you need me. I can help you clean up."

"Danke." I just said again, breathing a sigh of relief.

The little blond got up and brought the basin of water and the cloth over to the bed. Carefully and more gently than I'd expected he helped cleaned my wounds. His tiny delicate fingers worked almost too gently to feel as he rubbed the salve over the bruises and cuts. It felt cool and helped some with the pain.

"Latvia…" I asked finally as he reached for some more of the salve. "Why? Why did Russia do this? Why? What have I done wrong?"

The boy bit his lip, not answering.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"I… I don't know." He sighed.

"Did… Did he even have a reason?"

Latvia just sighed, biting his lip. "I don't know. He doesn't always have a reason."

"Then why would he do this!?" I started to cry. Was all this for nothing? Was it because he was bored? Is that all I was good for?

"So he feels powerful."

That made sense to me. I hated to admit it, but it made sense to me… Power… So that was what he wanted? Power over everything…

Latvia finished bandaging me up, helping me set the broken ribs. Then I fell asleep again…more like passed out from pain… when I woke up he was gone…


	5. Chapter 5: History

_A look into why Russia may not be as bad as he seems… and what that scarf is for after all… It's a short chapter, but an important one. Review please? Especially this chapter. I'd love to hear people's thoughts. _

Chapter 5:

History

"You're drunk Russia…. get off me." I tried to push him away. He'd collapsed on top of me… I pried the bottle of vodka from his hands and pushed him off me. I looked down at the bottle. It was still mostly full. Considering that it was the fourth bottle it wasn't surprising. I was working mostly inside Russia's house now so he could 'keep and eye on me'. More like keep me away from that wall… after last weeks little graffiti 'accident' he wasn't all that happy with me. He'd been working at his desk when he called me to bring him a bottle of vodka. After two more bottles and about a fourth of this one he passed out. I looked down at the bottle of vodka. It wasn't beer, but it was something. I downed it without so much as getting tipsy.

I walked up to the unconscious Russia and started taunting him. He couldn't hear me, but it didn't matter, it felt good to give some back. I kicked him. He was unconscious, it didn't matter. I looked around the room. A knife on his desk…now was my chance. I picked it up then walked over to Russia. I took of his scarf and stared… no it was just the vodka I'd drunk, right? I just couldn't see straight, right? I didn't actually see… I fell on my knees. "Oh Russland…" I stared at his neck. It was white, whiter even than his face, from always being covered with his scarf… and there were the scars. All over his neck there were scars. I dropped the knife… I wasn't the only on who'd tried to kill him was I? I looked at the pattern of scars…. No… no maybe I was the only one… The way the scars were…

"Russland… you… you did this… to yourself?" I bit my lip. I looked at the scars again… they looked self inflicted. So he wanted to die? Somehow that made me not want to kill him… I looked down at the knife, then sighed and set it back on his desk. I sighed again and picked him up. He wasn't as heavy as I'd expected. I took him to his room, laid him on his bed, yanked off his coat and boots and pulled the covers over him. "Oh Russland… I didn't know." I sighed. I felt bad for hating him now. Many of the scars were old, but some were very fresh… I doubted they were from very long before World War two… was it because of the Romanovs? I wondered. I didn't know much about them, but I'd heard about them. It had hurt Russia a lot… maybe that was why? Maybe that was why he beat me? Maybe that was why he wanted to feel powerful? Because he had no control over their deaths? Maybe his boss, Lenin, was cruel to him, feeding him lies, just like Hitler was to my bruder… maybe… maybe… I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head. I hated Russia just like he hated me….right? I sighed, looking down at him. He looked strangely peaceful there asleep… I wrapped his scarf around his neck again, somehow it felt like I just should. Then I went back into his office to clean up…

The next morning I woke up to Russia touching my shoulder.

"Did you put me to bed last night?" He asked rather gently.

I nodded sleepily.

"Spasiba." He nodded back.

I looked up at him, surprised with how nice he was being. "D…do you need anything?" I asked, not wanting to get up.

"Nyet you rest today. I will have more work for you tomorrow." He nodded.

I smiled. Sleep… precious precious sleep…

"GDE?" He'd started calling me that a while ago, "My scarf was on different when I woke up… did you… move it?"

I bit my lip, and nodded.

He said nothing, only nodded back, sighing and turning away. "So… you saw?"

"Ja." I sighed.

"Forget what you saw. Do not discuss it with the Baltics…" He almost snapped…almost…

I nodded. "Ja." I hadn't intended to. "Russland…?" I asked when he turned away.

"Da?" He looked back.

"Are you ok?"

"Nyet GDR… as long as I live I will never be ok…" Did I see tears in his eyes?

"I'm sorry…" I sighed, biting my lip.

"Nyet. No one is. You are my prisoner. Why should you be sorry?" He looked at me with something between curiosity and anger

"I don't know…" I bit my lip. "But… But I am…" I nodded.

He sighed again, turning away. "Nyet." He walked out of my cell and shut the door behind him.

It wasn't long before I fell asleep again… ah sleep… but to my surprise instead of dreaming of Germany, like I always did… I actually dreamt of Russia…


	6. Chapter 6: Moonlight

_Prussia's not doing so well... _

Chapter 6:

Moonlight

I woke up in the middle of the night. Somehow I couldn't fall back asleep. I have no idea how long I just laid there awake… wishing I had a window in my cell. I sighed, then looked at the door. It hadn't been locked. I didn't know if that was a mistake or on purpose, but I walked out of the door and into the street beside it. I looked up at that wall… that horrible, towering wall…Barbed wire was on the top, and around the base of it. It looked threatening, terrifying… but I'd begun to be used to the sight. Just knowing that it was becoming normal to me made me sick… but at least it was something constant here. I bit my lip. That wall… was becoming… comforting? No… I tried to shake that thought out of my head… that? That horrible wall? Comforting? But it was. Everything around me changed every day. Russia went from cruel to almost kind, and back again randomly. Latvia was either clingy, or avoiding me. Estonia never talked to me, going from slightly proud to fearful and back, Lithuania seemed to go between terrified of Russia and his little pet who'd do anything he asked… nothing ever stayed the same… except that wall… always there. Always towering, looming above everything. There was new graffiti on it almost every day, the amount of barbed wire changed, but the wall itself, the great concert slab, never changed. I made my way through the barbed wire so I could walk right up to it… I touched it. It was cold in the night air. I traced my fingers along one of the seams. Unbreachable. I sighed.

"Bruder… can you hear me?" I bit my lip. I knew he couldn't. "I… I want to come home… but… but I don't know how… I'll be back someday… I know I will…" I bit my lip harder, I couldn't cry… I wouldn't cry. "Are you taking good care of Gilbird for me? He doesn't like you as much as he likes me, but I bet you're getting along well enough. How's Italy? Still a little pasta brain or has he grown up any?" I stopped trying not to cry. "You know… everyone else better be treating you right or… or when I get home I'll give them a… a good dose of their own medicine so awesome they'll be nice to you forever… Have you seen Austria of Hungary lately? How are they doing? Do they miss me? I kinda miss them… I… don't tell them I said that. Hungary would never let me forget it, neither would Austria… Does he still play his violin as often as he used to? How about his piano? Still sound as good? Don't tell him this, but I actually did like listening to him play… Do you still talk to Japan? Has he ever warmed up to Italy's hugs or does he still not get it? I liked Italy's hugs you know… it was so cute… It's starting to get cold here… I hope you're keeping warm… Italy too. Don't let him go play in the snow without a coat on when it comes like last year… remember how it took us almost two hours to warm him up again? That was a lot of hot coco…" I smiled through my tears, laughing a little. "I know it's only been three months… but it feels like years already…how about for you?" I sighed. "They said it might snow tomorrow. Russia seems happy about that. I guess snow is pretty familiar to him. You know he's not as bad as I thought. I don't like him, but he's not as evil as I expected him to be… he's a lot nicer slightly drunk than sober though… He's not going to celebrate Christmas… but I am. I know you will too… make sure you get everyone something really awesome ok? Especially Gilbird. He kinda needs a new house. You'll remember that right?" I bit my lip again, crying almost too hard to talk. "I never got to take my picture of Old Fritz with me…you're keeping it really safe and special right? If I come home and it's gone… naw… I know you'll keep it safe… you're keeping yourself safe too right? I hope you are… I really miss you bruder… I… I really really miss you…" I fell to my knees in front of the wall, sobbing, one hand on my face, the other on the wall as I leaned against it… "Italy… you'd better be taking really good care of mien bruder… ok…?" I sobbed. "You too Gilbird…" I sobbed and sobbed. "Tell France and Spain I miss them too ok?" I sobbed. My friends… my family… I wanted them all so much… I missed them. I missed them so much… I leaned my head against the wall, still sobbing. "Ich leibe dich bruder… Ich leibe dich…" I couldn't say anymore, I was already choking on tears.

Once I had no more tears to cry I looked up at the moon. It never changed either. Every night, or almost every night, it would be there in the sky… It was full tonight. Everything around me seemed to glow in a blue light… I looked around… this was supposed to be my home… but everything around me was changed. Everything slightly warped by Russia's presence here… And I hated it. I hated it, hated it, hated it!

I stood up, slamming my fist on the wall. "RUSSIA!" I snarled. I didn't know or care if he could hear me. "I HATE YOU!" I was crying again.

Then I saw Russia walk towards me. So he'd heard me? Crap… I bit my lip. Now I was in for it. I thought about running, but that wouldn't do any good. I bit my lip hard as he walked up to me…

"Da. I know." He said simply.

"Y… b… y… of… of course you know!" I spat back.

"Da."

I shuddered, almost waiting for him to hit my in the face with that pipe… "Well…? What are you going to do to me?" I asked after what seemed like hours.

He smiled. That creepy innocent, childlike smile. "Nothing." He said simply.

"N…nothing?" That scared me more than if he'd explained some torture… "W…why not?"

"Do you want me to punish you?"

"Nein!"

"I didn't think so." He smiled. "You didn't do anything wrong. Of course you haven't learned to like me yet. But you will. Everyone does eventually."

"Well I won't!" I snapped.

"Da. You will." he smiled simply.

I shivered. That smile… that horrible creepy smile. I'd grown to hate it… it scared me. Every time he smiled like that I knew there was some horrible thought going on in his twisted mind…"I… let me go!"

"I'm not touching you."

"I…" I looked down. No he wasn't touching me. "I hate you."

"You said that already."

"I won't ever like you! I just want to go home! I want to see West again!"

"You were the one who decided to come here GDR." He smiled again.

I froze. He was right. It wasn't something I'd ever forgotten.

"Or would you rather it was both of you here? You could see him then. I could arrange that perhaps?"

I looked down at my bandaged hands, and I could feel the cloth around most of my body where he'd hurt me… "Nein…" I sighed. "Nein I don't want that…"

"I didn't think so." He smiled. "It's ok GDR, no one likes me at first. You will learn."

"No I won't!"

"Da. Da you will."

"No I won't!"

Russia only smirked. "You will, in time."

"Nein!" I snarled.

He said nothing, only grabbed my wrist.

I struggled, but his grip was like iron. He was even stronger than he looked… "Let me go!" I tried to wrench my arm free.

"Nyet." He said simply, pulling me back into my cell.

"At least let me have a window!" I pulled my arm free once we were inside.

"I can arrange that, when you learn to behave yourself."

I sighed. That could be a while… "Go…" I snapped.

He said nothing, only left, but I heard him lock the door behind him. I fell on my bed, with a heavy sigh. I just wanted to go home… I couldn't take this anymore… I just wanted to go home…


	7. Chapter 7: One Year Later

_Ok so I know that Latvia doesn't like Prussia all that much because he was a knight, and though I do strive to be accurate in my story... that was a long time and Latvia fixes everything just by being so adorable! So yeah. He gets to be comforting to Prussia. :) As always, reviews are appreciated. :) _

_Mature warning for this one. Attempted Suicide ahead. _

Chapter 7:

One Year Later

I sat in my room alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. I looked around the room. _Everything's a weapon. _I remembered Germany telling me that… I looked at my bed sheet… it wasn't the most pleasant way to die but… it would have to work. I wrapped it into a rope and tied one end to one of the bars on my new window… the other end around my neck. I kicked the chair out from under me… and gasped for breath. It hurt but I bit my lip… I couldn't scream anyway… the rope was too tight. Nothing happened. It hurt, but nothing happened. Eventually I untied myself and sat down on my bed. There was blood on the sheet and a rope burn on my neck from how tight it had been… only I didn't die. I'm a country… I can't die… I buried my face in my hands. I couldn't do this anymore. Day after day after day stuck with Russia. Stuck with his tortures, taunts, and abuse… He'd never left my door open again, he never let me outside unless under guard. I HATED being his prisoner, but there was nothing at all I could do about it… nothing… nothing…

I heard the sound of the metal door to my room scrape and Latvia walked in with my lunch. He jumped when he saw me…did I look that bad?

"Gil!" He ran up to me and touched my neck. I winced.

"Umm…. it's nothing…" I bit my lip. The sheet rope was still hanging from the window.

The little blond started to tear up. I sighed, hugging him. "Hey… don't cry." I bit my lip again.

"Why did you do that Gil?" He was actually crying now.

I sighed. "Russia." I didn't need to explain further.

Latvia sighed. "I… you should just give in. It's easier. He's… he's nicer if you just give in…"

"No way! I… I'm still the awesome Prussia!" I nodded, biting my lip again.

"You're not Prussia anymore Gil… you know that…" He sighed.

I sighed too. Yes. I knew… but I didn't want to admit it. "Don't tell Russia?" I bit my lip.

"Don't tell me what?"

I jumped, standing, letting go of Latvia and starting at Russia in terror. "Russia I…"

"Did you think it would be that easy? You're a country. You can't die, you know that. At least, it's very difficult to kill you." he smiled childishly.

I shuddered. "Kill me…?" I looked into his face. I forgot Latvia was even there. "Russia please kill me…"

"Nyet." He smiled gently. "You'll suffer more if you're alive." He smiled innocently.

I wanted to throw up. "How can you say that you FREAK!" I forced myself not to cry. That was exactly what he wanted, and I wouldn't do it. I shivered when he walked up to me, but forced myself not to take a single step back.

"Easy." he smiled. "Oh Prussia. You should listen to Latvia. Life for you would be much easier if you just turned communist and obeyed me. It wouldn't be hard. I would get you a house, servants maybe. I wouldn't hit you very much, and you would have good food. I wouldn't be cruel GDR."

"My name is PRUSSIA!"

"Nyet. It's not." He said simply.

I just stared at him, blinking back tears. "I hate you…"

"I know." He smiled sweetly.

Then I was stupid. I was really really stupid. I slapped him. I saw his pipe heading towards my face and the next thing I knew Latvia was sitting by my bed, to which I was tied, nursing the wound on my face.

"You're awake." He smiled sweetly.

I smiled back faintly. I tried to wiggle out of the fabric ties around my wrists. "Who tied me up?" I asked, almost panicking.

"I did." He looked at me so sweetly.

"What?"

"I did. I don't want you to hurt yourself again… if you promise not to I'll untie you." He looked like he was about to cry.

I nodded. "Ok. I won't." I sighed.

He smiled at me sweetly and untied my wrists, then hugged me. "Please don't hit Russia… I don't want him to hurt you."

I teared up, hugging him back. He reminded me of Germany when he was little. "Ok… Latvia… you… you're really sweet."

He looked up at me. Those big dark blue eyes shinning up at me like a little angel… "D…Danke." He smiled.

I smiled back at him, sniffing back tears. "Danke schon Latvia."

"What does that mean?"

"It's like… Thank you very much." I smiled, trying not to cry.

"Prussia… do you like me?"

I smiled sadly with a sigh. "Yeah… you remind of of my little brother…" I smiled.

"Who's that?"

I laughed. "Germany."

He looked surprised.

"Yeah I know, he looks older, but I'm stronger." I smirked. It was true. I was, and I wouldn't let Germany forget it either.

"I'm older than I look." He smiled sadly.

"I know you are." I smiled.

"Russia keeps pushing on my head so I don't grow…" He looked up at me sadly, almost crying.

"How do you put up with him?"

"I try to think about it…" He looked down sadly.

I sighed. So that was the best advice he could give me? Try not to think about it? Great…

"Latvia… please… _please _tell me he doesn't hurt you…"

"Not like he hurts you…" He looked up at me sadly. "He doesn't hit me very much anymore, I try to be good… he just keeps patting my head."

I sighed with a slight smile. "I'm glad he doesn't hurt you…"

"It's Lithuania he picks on…" He sighed.

I nodded. "I've noticed."

"When Russia's bored… sometimes he doesn't think about what he's doing. He doesn't mean to hurt us."

"Of course he does! He enjoys hurting us!" I snapped.

"No." the little blond put his hands on my shoulders. "He doesn't. Sometimes he… you've never seen him when he's… well..sane. He's not like he is when you've seen him. He's…he's sad he… he's really sorry. He doesn't know what he's doing half the time. His leaders, his bosses…they're the ones who keep hurting _him. _Only it doesn't hurt him anymore… he's too used to it. He doesn't know how much he hurts us Prussia. He doesn't feel pain anymore… please don't be mad at him…"

I bit my lip. I was sure this kid had a bad case of stockholm syndrome but I nodded. "Ok. I'll try."

He nodded, hugging me again. "I know things will get better Gil. I know they will." He smiled.

"Latvia… what's your name?"

"Raivis." He smiled.

"R…r…" I struggled to get my germanic tongue around that… "Raivis?" I finally got it right… I think…

"Close enough." He smiled.

I smiled back, petting his soft blond hair gently. "You should go. I don't want you getting in trouble…"

He bit his lip and nodded, standing.

"Hey… if you can call me Gil, can I call you Visi?"

He giggled adorably and nodded.

I smiled. "All right. Hurry, I don't want Russia to get mad at you." I smiled.

He nodded and walked out of my room, locking my door behind him.

I sighed, laying back on my bed. I looked to my door where my little blond angel had just left… he was like Germany in some ways… Germany was tougher of course. Germany had never ever cried, but he'd had a little angelic face just like Latvia's… I sighed. I wished I could keep Latvia safe, but that was impossible… Tomorrow Russia would walk in my door, drag me out of bed, and force me to work for him in his house again. And I'd have to do it. At least I could sneak some Vodka every once and a while. It wasn't beer, but it was better than nothing. I hated to admit it, but I'd started to like borsht… it wasn't as bad as I thought it was when I first got here. I sighed again. I'd figure out how to live through this yet… somehow…


	8. Chapter 8: Blood and Drugs

_This chapter is another M rated chapter: Drug abuse, self-harm, and just a bunch of not good stuff ahead. If that stuff bugs you, you may want to skip this chapter. Note: none of those things are show positively. Things will get better for Prussia… eventually… Also…review? _

Chapter 8:

Blood and Drugs

No one was watching me. I snatched some of that gorgeous liquid to use later and shoved the small vial in my pocket. It was the only thing keeping me alive now… I looked down at my wrists and sighed, tugging my long sleeves over them, biting my lip. No one had noticed. That was exactly how I wanted it. No one could know. I finished working for Russia that day and he shoved me back in my little cell. It was starting to be comforting to be in there… it somehow felt like I was safe there… away from Russia. Even though in the back of my mind I knew I wasn't, and never would be, away from Russia. I pulled out my syringe and shot the analgesic into my arm. I sighed, smiling. It felt good… I never could get my hands on enough to overdose, but then… I was trying to use it to keep me alive, I didn't want to die. West was waiting for be back home… I had to come home… I let the entire little vial flow into my arms and laid back on my bed. I sighed, smiling faintly. Slowly, slowly the pain started to fade. My body…my mind… I could finally sleep. The dreams were odd sometimes… but usually I didn't dream at all. I just slept…

I woke up with a start when I felt a sharp pain in my arm. I looked up to see Russia gripping my arm, slowly, slowly pulling out the needle, which it'd been stupid enough to leave in my arm when I fell asleep. My skin was badly bruised and I could see where the needle had dug in as I'd slept. The hole around it was big, raw… blood trickled down my arm. I looked up at Russia. He didn't look at me. He was looking at my arm.

He clicked his tongue like he was scolding me. That made me mad. "Oh Gilbert… did you really think this would help? It doesn't help…" The way he said that made me shiver.

I said nothing, only gave him a 'humph' and tried to turn my back to him, but he kept his grip tight on my arm.

"You need to have this mess attended to." He smiled at me gently, sweetly almost.

I shivered again. "N…nein… I can take care of it myself!" I tried to yank my arm away, but with his hold on it it was too painful.

"This will get infected. I should clean it."

Was this was latvia was talking about? Was he sane now? He didn't _look _sane… I asked.

"Sane? I'm always sane." He smiled.

I took that as a 'no' and just nodded.

He smiled again, his sickening smile. "Come." He said simply, pulling me up by my lip arm.

I growled and stood up, I was already dressed… even my shoes were on. I hadn't bothered to change last night… "W…Where are we going?"

"My house."

"NEIN!" I screamed, trying to tear my arm away from him again.

"What's wrong with you? I can't fix you up here."

"Why do you even care!?"

"I care about all the little countries under me."

I growled. "I AM NOT LITTLE AND I AM NOT UNDER YOU!" I snarled.

He stopped, pushing me against the hallway wall and gripping my throat. "Nyet. _You are._"

I bit my lip. Something in his tone, something in his eyes, something that scared me made me decide not to say anything back. Either that or I'd gotten smarter in the past year and a half, but that was unlikely.

He smiled, letting go of my neck, but keeping his iron grip on my arm and practically dragged me to his house.

"Let. Me. Go." I bit my lip.

"Nyet." He replied simply. He forced me into his house and pushed me down in a chair in his kitchen.

"There's no way you want to help me…" I thought about running when he let go of my arm, but his grip had been so tight that all the blood suddenly rushed back to my arm and I squeaked in pain. More blood flowed down my arm and it hurt… "R…Russia?" I looked up at him. He got out a small basket of what looked like first aid supplies and sat down in front of me, grabbing my arm again.

"I've always wanted to try treating wounds." He smiled sweetly.

I wanted to throw up. I did _NOT _like the sound of that. "I… I'm not your toy Russia…"

"Oh?" He smiled up at me. "Nyet. You're not. I know that." He smiled innocently. "I just want to help."

I doubted that. I just bit my lip and watched him like a hawk…

He pulled out some gauss first, holding down tight over the mark in my arm… too tight. I bit my lip so I wouldn't cry out. I looked up at him. He was focused on my arm. He pulled the cloth away after and while and took out some kind of medical cleaning fluid and another piece of gauze. It STUNG. I bit my lip and squirmed. "You're hurting me…" I managed to whisper.

"A little pain is ok." He just said.

I sighed. Had I really expected him to be sympathetic?

"Hold still. Stop squirming or I'll have to tie you up." He shook his head.

I bit my lip harder, trying to listen to him. The last thing I wanted was to be tied up with Russia anywhere near me.

"This next I think da?" He took out another salve.

I just nodded. I winced as he spread it around the wound, but didn't make a sound.

"I think I should have been wearing gloves…" He sighed, looking almost comically confused. He wiped the salve off my arm rather roughly. I squeaked in pain, biting my lip. He snapped a glove onto his hand and cleaned the wound again with that same stuff that stung like… just hurt… a LOT. Then he smeared the salve over the wound with his fingers, almost like he was finger-painting, almost like he was playing with my broken skin, blood and the gel… It not only made me sick… it scared me…

"Your blood is beautiful GDR." He whispered.

I shuddered, trying to pull my arm away. "You freak…" I whispered back with another shiver.

"Cold?"

"Nein I fell sick!" I bit my lip.

He looked up at me curious. "It's just blood GDR. Everyone has blood. Why are you scared?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing? Did he not know how twisted he was? "Y… ugh…" that was all I could think to say.

Russia seemed to shrug it off and put a piece of gauze over the wound, then bandaged it.

"You should not have stollen those drugs from me GDR." He said simply.

"I don't care." I snapped back.

"You should. Don't do it again." He stood up, setting the kit aside and grabbed my good arm. He dragged me into my room again, locking the door behind him.

Of course… I didn't listen.

He caught me with them again. The beating was bad. I couldn't move for weeks, or walk well for months… he'd broken both my legs… They ended up healing perfectly, but it took a while. I never was able to find those drugs again…

Long sleeves. Always long sleeves. Always I wore long sleeves now. Especially around Latvia. I didn't want him to see what I'd done to myself… so many times… so. many. times. I watched everything more carefully… looking over my shoulder. I mentally kicked myself daily about it. I was starting to act like the rest of the Baltics, terrified if we heard that step… I even started thinking of us as 'we'. Only I wouldn't turn communist… never. Never ever! Not me! What would West say? Austria? France? What would I say? If I could have looked at myself now a year ago… I don't think I would have believed my eyes. No laughing, no jokes, no awesome, no Gilbird… not even my iron cross… looking over my shoulder, cutting, drugs, suicide… terrified of one man… what had happened to me? What had happened to me? What had Russia done to me…..? Was I even… me… anymore?

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_Ok... so I feel as though I should elaborate on this chapter a little. Obviously Prussia's not doing very well, but this chapter is almost more about Russia than Prussia. Russia, while certainly not as he will appear in future chapters (during what Latvia called his 'sane moments'), he really truly was trying to help Prussia. Russia likes countries to depend on him, so tending to them like this is a good way to get that. Only... he's not very good at it. and Russia is suck a broken country, he's learned to find amusement and beauty in really odd ways and places. When he told Prussia that he had beautiful blood... he meant it! He truly found it beautiful, because he's learned to find blood pretty. Threatening to tie up Prussia, shoving him around... it's because he honestly doesn't know how to act normal. He doesn't know how to do something for someone's good without hurting them in the process, and he certainly doesn't know how to do anything, right or wrong, without giving orders that he means to be obeyed. Blame the tzars for that. Basically, in chis chapter, he was trying to be kind, trying to say the right things, trying to get Prussia to like him, and trying to be gentle, but he just plane failed at it. Prussia's reactions to him surprised him almost as much as he surprised Russia with some of the things he said. So, even though Russia certainly was creepy in this chapter, he meant well. Don't hate him like Prussia does. _


	9. Chapter 9: Sunlight

_Even though I dislike fluff when it's all fluff. I feel like some relief was needed from the depressing nature of this fic… so we get a kinda comedic shorter chapter. I may not be albino, but I am EXTREMELY pale, so I feel Prussia's pain…litterally…. _

Chapter 9:

Sunlight.

"Ow!" I glared at Latvia without really meaning too.

"Sorry…" The little blond winced too.

"Why me…" I sighed, burying my face in my arms… my very very red arms… I looked like a lobster and it HURT, and it was far, far, far, FAR from awesome… "Why was _I _working in the sun all day? Why?" I grumbled. And it was either my tank top, or my jacket. In the sun I opted for the tank top and my arms and back were pretty mad about it… not to mention my face. I couldn't even touch it… Since I couldn't reach my back very well Latvia was helping me put aloe on it.

I was already in a bad mood…more than usual I mean. This wasn't helping. It stung like mad, the aloe felt a little better, but I was shivering. It was already too cold working for Russia. It was like cold followed him around… apparently the sun liked me just as much as cold liked Russia, only the feeling was NOT mutual. I glared up at the sun just peaking through my little window. We were not currently friends. We were never friends… I'd never liked the sun, but it'd always seemed to like me… I winced, blinking. Had I sunburned my eyes? It sure felt like it. I put my hands on them, but since I was lying on my stomach, that made my arms dig into the sheets which just burned more than my eyes did so I took my hands away and just laid still again. This wasn't fun. I looked back over at Latvia. "Do you ever… sunburn?" I didn't even want to say the word…

"Sometimes." He smiled a little.

"What's so funny?" I looked at him blankly.

"You are. You're complaining an awful lot about this…"

"Well it hurts!"

"I know… still…" He giggled.

I rolled my eyes… "It's not funny…" I whimpered.

"Sorry Gil." He smiled gently, putting some salve on my shoulders.

I relaxed at his touch. My sunburn hurt, but his hands were cool and gentle… I was almost ready to fall asleep when my door banged open. I winced. It had to be Russia… it had to be… I wanted to crawl in a little hole and hide…

"Latvia?" I heard Lithuania's voice. "R…Russia wants you." I could hear that he was trembling in his voice.

"Gil still needs some help, can you finish for me Lithy?" Latvia stood up, I could see him shaking too.

Lithuania nodded and took the seat Latvia had just made vacant.

I looked up at the other country… he was really going to help me? We didn't really get along… I bit my lip. _This'll be just fine, _I thought to myself, _As long as he doesn't mention… _

"You don't have any acorns now do you?" He smiled a little.

_That… _I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Nein." I said simply. "Are you going to try and beat me again?"

"Try?" He smirked a little.

I did roll my eyes then. "Fine… you won, but… but that was a long time ago!"

"Not _that _long ago…"

I tried not to glare at him.

"Now, your back needs attention." He nodded, picking up the little jar of aloe Latvia had left. He finished applying it to my back, and again I almost fell asleep as he touched my back. As much as it burned it was soothing too… his hands were so gentle… all the Baltics were like that. All tough nations, dealing with Russia… but… all so gentle…

"Gilbert…" He sighed.

"Ja?"

"I want to stop being enemies. We're supposed to both be allies now. Allies in the Soviet Union."

I winced at that term. I still didn't think of myself as part of it, and I didn't really want to… even though I knew I had to… "I…"

"You're right. It _was _a long time ago so… can you and I just be friends?" He bit his lip.

I looked into his face… "Ok." I nodded. "Ja I can do that…" I nodded.

He smiled. "Thank you." He smiled again, standing.

I sat up, wincing. I hate sunburns… I tugged on a shirt… I mean… I tried to get my shirt on without pulling it across any skin at all… I failed but it wasn't as bad as how I usually just threw clothes on.

"I can get your face too." He nodded.

I shrugged. "Ok."

He gently put the cream on my face… I shivered a little… cold. He was gentle as always. I smiled when he finished. "Danke." I smiled, nodding.

He smiled back, nodding in return. "Should I leave the aloe here?"

I nodded as he set it on the table.

"Ok so if there's nothing else I can do…"

I smiled, nodding.

"Ok… I'll um… see you later? I'll talk to Russia… maybe he can give you some indoor work for a few days…"

I laughed a little. Russia being nice? Doubtful. I nodded anyway. "Danke." I said again with a smile.

Lithuania smiled back and nodded again, walking out of my room.

I walked up to the window when he left and looked up at the sun. "Just because things worked out with Lithuania does NOT mean I like you." I glared at it, wincing as my eyes burned again, watering as I gently pressed on them… they HURT. I sat back down on my bed my hands over my eyes, when I pulled them away, I glanced back at the sun. "And stop smiling!"

_Poor Prussia. I know I shouldn't make fun of sunburns, but I get them all the time and I tend to whine about them quite a bit so I figured it might be amusing (the sun and I are not friends either XD) So don't get mad at me! If you sunburn easy I'm so sorry! *hugs you*. Anyway, this _**_might _**_be my last chapter update for a while. My family and I are taking a trip to Turkey and Greece and won't be back until October 1st. I won't really have any internet on that trip… so I won't be able to update. *cries* We leave on Wednesday, and so I may or may not upload another chapter tomorrow. If I did it would be another sad chapter, and possibly a bit of a cliff hanger so we'll see XD Anyway, please review! It means a lot to me. :) I'd really love to hear what you guys think of this. Especially since I am not well practiced at writing stuff that's funny at all lol. Ok I shall stop rambling… Stay awesome everyone! (and don't forget your sunscreen) _


	10. Chapter 10: Levels of Sanity

Chapter 10:  
Levels of Sanity

Pain. Everything hurt... I looked down at what was left of my body... Me legs weren't broken, they were crushed... He'd used his pipe like a whip on my back... Again... And again... And again... No matter how much I'd begged... It hasn't stopped. I hadn't prayed like that in a long time... Not since... A long time... He'd been drunk last night, and targeted Latvia. No one hurts Latvia. I'd stepped between Russia and his prey... He hasn't taken that well... Not only was he drunk... He was extra insane last night... Some days he was almost normal... Not last night... Last night he was just crazy... I didn't know why... But it'd been raining for days, and I could hear him yelling with his boss even from my cell... Something wasn't going well...and he took it out on us. Countries are stronger than humans... He would have killed me otherwise... I couldn't move. I could hardly breathe...but Latvia... Latvia was fine. Just a few bruises on his face... Not... Not like me. I tried to sit up, but I couldn't. With almost no unbroken ribs... Not happening... I moaned. Everything hurt... Everything... Only my left arm wasn't smashed...though a few fingers were...  
I heard my door open and I shuddered... Was he back to finish me? It was Latvia... I smiled sadly. I didn't want him to see me like this... I was still soaked in blood... Wounds untreated and unbandaged... I was a mess... I smiled sadly at Latvia again...  
"P...Prussia..." I could hear the tears in his voice...  
"Hey..." I scared myself with how horrible my voice sounded...  
"You didn't have to do that!" He ran to me, taking my better hand and sobbed...  
"Hey... Hey don't cry..." I teared up too... My tears mixing with my blood again... It scared Latvia... "Please... Please don't cry..."  
"Even you're crying..."  
"Please..."  
He nodded and wiped first his tears, then mine...  
"I'll go get bandages..." He sniffed.  
I nodded.  
"No need." We heard from the door way. I jumped, shaking almost as hard as Latvia did... It was Russia...  
He set the bandages down on the table and walked over to me...  
I shuddered... No please no...  
He picked up my right arm... He looked it over gently, and snapped it. I heard more bones crack and I screamed in pain... Then looked at my arm... He'd set it... Not destroyed it. I looked up at him confused.  
"I didn't know what I was doing last night... Prussia... I sorry..."  
I blinked. Russia... Apologising!? I just stared... We're those tears in his eyes!? What was going on!?  
"Sh..." Russia pet my face... "I will heal you now."  
"Spasiba." I knew he wanted that. I winced as he touched my back. He washed wounds he'd given and bandaged me. I looked up at him confused.  
He only sighed.  
It scared me. Russia acting so different. I didn't like it. I was so confused... "R...Russia..." I dared to speak...  
"Da?"  
"Let me see my bruder... Please..."  
He shook his head "Nyet. You belong to me now."  
I sighed now. So even like this Russia was still Russia...  
When he finally left Latvia came back in, trembling...  
"Is that what you meant by a sane Russia?"  
He shook his head. "Nyet... He... He beat you last night to heal you this morning... So you'll like him... And want comfort... He tried it with all of us.. It works..." He trembled.  
I bit my lip. I refused to let Russia win like that... But if he kept doing this... I didn't know how long I could hang on... His 'comfort'... Felt... Good...

_Ok so I'm publishing this chapter from my hotel in Istanbul! I may not be able to publish more while on this trip because after tonight (or tomorrow night if you're on american time, lol it's 6am here XD) because we're sleeping on ship... So yeah :) maybe at a restaurant or something XD review please! I LOVE reading reviews..._


	11. Chapter 11: Final Innocence

Chapter 11:  
Final Innocence

_A/N: special thanks to NekoFye for the idea and just how awesome you've been! And a long chapter as my gift to you all for putting up with a long absence :)_

I looked down at the paper in Latvia's hand... I couldn't believe my eyes... "I...y...Luddy..." My eyes filled with tears that I didn't even try to keep back...

"He managed to sneak it to me..." The boy trembled.

I nodded. "Danke schon Latvia..." I smiled taking the paper nervously. I unfolded it like it was made of gold leaf, and to me it was worth far more than that... I looked down and read the first words...

'Ich leibe dich, Bruder...'

I fell to my knees sobbing. I even struggled to keep reading...

'I miss you. I think about you a lot. Life isn't easy since no one trusts me, but I'll make it. How are you? I'm worried about you... Austria is well. He misses you too, as does Hungary. She cried for you... I've cried for you too... Gilbird misses you too. He's doing well though. He sleeps on your pillow... As you know some of your people are escaping over the wall... I'm taking good care of them I promise. Though... None of them have seen you... Are you ok? Your country looks so bleak and sad from what little I can see... Are you hurt? Please... Please tell me he doesn't hurt you... That he treats you well... Right? I miss you... I miss you so much... Ich leibe dich mine Bruder... Forever.'

I could hardly read the last sentences from how much I cried. I sobbed until my tears were dry and my throat burned. Then I looked up. Latvia was still there, watching me kindly... He took my hand and gave me a gentle boyish hug...

"Don't tell Russia...?"

I nodded. "Never."

I heard the door and I went pale...

"No need to tell me. I know." That sweet voice... So... Creepy...

I looked up at him shaking almost as much as Latvia.

"GDR, you know that's against the rules, so do you Latvia. How foolish of you both. Latvia... You shouldn't have done that. I have to punish you for it you know..."

I stood between Latvia and Russia with a growl. "Don't you dare..." I snarled.

"It has to be done. We all know that."

"Then punish me!"

"Nyet. That wouldn't be just would it?" He grabbed Latvia's arm and I fought back for the little blond...

Russia beat me down easily with a few strikes to the shoulders and chest with his pipe... I fell to the ground in pain, biting my lip and looking back up at Latvia as Russia pulled off the boy's jacket. I was in too much pain to stand, I just had to sit there helplessly... I hate being helpless...

"Russia don't! Stop please!" I sobbed. "Please!" I couldn't watch him hurt Latvia... No no no...

Russia called in some of his guards to drag me along as he carried Latvia, who was trembling and crying and breaking me more than Russia's beatings ever could...

"Russia don't..." I begged.

Latvia looked back at me, his eyes full of tears and pain... "Don't Gil... I'll be ok..."

"Nein! Russia Nein!" I knew he wouldn't listen...

Russia didn't even look back at me. He dragged Latvia to a small door and shoved him inside. Then he chained me to the door and walked away. I was alone with Latvia again. I whispered his name against the door...

"Gil... Gil please cover your ears..."

I felt my stomach drop... "W...why...?"

"B...because..." His voice was pained...

"Latvia...?" I bit my lip, trying to listen at the door. "Latvia!?"

There was silence... Then... Then I heard Latvia scream...

"Latvia!" I pounded on the door... "Latvia please what is it Latvia!? Russia stop this! Please stop this!" I sobbed.

"I...I'm ok...Gil..." Latvia managed to scream to me... "I'll be ok..."

I was sobbing to hard to reply. "Russia stop this! Please stop!"

After two more hours the screaming finally stopped... It scared me. When Russia unchained me I didn't even dare fight back... Then he opened the door. Latvia's unconscious body tumbled out and into my ready arms... I sobbed. His little body was covered in bloody red bites... I winced suddenly as I felt something bite me. I looked down at my hand... Bed bugs. Just bed bugs... I sobbed. "Russia let me take him back to my room...?" I whispered. "Please..."

Russia shook his head, lifting Latvia from my arms. "Nyet." He snapped.

The guards led me back to my own room and locked me in. I picked up Latvia's coat, which Russia had left on my floor. I hugged it and cried and cried and cried...

Russia walked into my cell about an hour later. I wrapped my arms arms around him, sobbing. He returned my hug.

"Sh...Sh..." He whispered. "Latvia will be just fine. It's painful but not serious. He'll be just fine..." He rubbed my back gently... comfortingly...and I clung to him.

"You understand now that you can't contact Germany? He'll just cause you trouble... He'll only hurt you and the others more. It's all right now. The punishment is over. It's all over now... Sh...Sh... Don't cry. I don't like tears you know."

That only made me cry harder as I clung, sobbing, to his coat.

"I know Latvia meant well but he doesn't understand. I'm not mad at him anymore GDR. It's all over now..." He held me and I held him back.

"R...Russia... Why are you here?" I trembled.

"To make sure you're ok." He smiled gently down at me, still rubbing my back...

I nodded, laying my head on his shoulder as he pet my hair... "Spasiba..." I whispered tremblingly.

Russia smiled and just held me as I clung to him, still crying, but crying more faintly now... He was right it was over. He'd done it. He'd won. I was broken... I was broken...

_A/N: sadly I didn't come up with the bed bug torture. Soviet Russia did. :'( it was a real torture. *hugs Latvia* _

_I will write more soon as I'm back from my trip! It was awesome too! As always reviews are appreciated. :) *hugs* _


	12. Chapter 12: Tears

_A/N: self inflicted (kinda) graphic violence warning_.

Chapter 12:  
Tears

Red. Red eyes. Red wounds. Red tears... Why was I crying... Why was I crying blood...? My eyes looked so dead... No life... Like the Baltics... Ice. Russian ice... He'd destroyed the Baltics first and now he'd destroyed me...I looked straight into the mirror... But I didn't see myself. I saw the shell Russia had made of me... If I was even me anymore... I pulled off it shirt. My skin was even more pale than usual. Pale like snow... More bloody tears ran down my cheeks as I looked at the bruises. The beatings were easier now, and less frequent... I always deserved it but it still hurt...

I heard the door behind me and turned to see Russia standing in my doorway, the knife in his hand, a pleased smile on his face.

"I'm glad you understand now GDR."

I nodded. I had to do this. Russia would be kinder this way... And I was starting to believe all this communist crap I kept hearing all the time.

"It will hurt you know..." He sighed.

I bit my lip and nodded. I knew that. "I...I want to." It was only a half truth but Russia smiled, nodding to me.

I walked up closer to him.

"Turn around." I nodded, Turing so my back was to him.

"Kneel."

I obeyed. I gasped as I felt the tip of the knife touch my shoulder... "N...nyet!" I pulled away from the knife.

"You agreed to do this..."

"I know I... I... I want to do it..."

A dark grin arranged itself on the childlike face. "Really?" He whispered.

I nodded, taking the knife... I turned around again and took a deep breath... Before digging the blade into my shoulder. I screamed in pain as it tore through skin and muscle. Hot blood ran down my back and I cried. I started to move the knife but felt Russia's hand on mine.

"Other way." He smiled, guiding my hand. When I finally lifted the knife from the first cut... Only to have him guid me to the second... It hurt far more than the first as he guided my hand to saw into my own body... Then it was over. The wound burned and I could see the blood pooling around me. So much blood... I dropped the knife and looked at my hand... It was covered in my own blood up to my wrist. I turned. Russia too was coated in my blood...

"Your blood is so beautiful GDR..." Russia whispered. "I'm so glad you understand." He smiled, petting my hair with his bloodiest hand comfortingly.

I nodded in return as he left without another word.

I forced myself to stand and walked to my small bathroom and turned so I could see what I'd done.

I sighed... So I'd done it... I sobbed. I looked into the mirror at what I'd done with my own hands and sobbed. When I could see clearly again I looked at my back again, tracing the long curve with my fingers... Then the straight line... Then the horrible sawed flesh digging in at an angle.

It had been by Russia's orders and I hadn't fought it... I sighed. I'd done it. I watched the blood drop down my back...

"What have I done..." I whispered out loud touching the wound again... The shape... The hammer and sickle. I'd carved the hammer and sickle into my own back as Russia guided my hand...

I lost it. I sobbed for hours, I even threw up a few times... Next thing I knew I was hooked up to about a dozen tubes in a hospital...


	13. Chapter 13: Awake

_SO sorry this took forever and a day! I've been suffering a bit of writers block and just got cast in a play (just a background role it being my first time with this company but we'll see where it goes!) We're doing Aladdin and I'm one of the dancers! (yay I love my part!) so yeah. I will try to update more though as I get ideas. I know where I want this story to go and what I want to do after it... it's just getting there that's the tricky part lol. Like I said some writer's block issues so this chapter isn't one of my best and I'm not as happy with it as some others bit I really needed to update so yeah... ok now see ya! _

Chapter 13:

Awake

I opened my eyes. Tubes. Tubes everywhere. My eyes hadn't adjusted to the light. It was more light than I'd seen in months… so bright… when my vision finally started to clear I saw Russia sitting beside me. I was too disoriented to fight him… I just stared at him, confused and a bit scared. I couldn't talk, there was a tube down my throat and another in my nose… it was uncomfortable… I looked over at him, trembling a little.

He touched my face almost threateningly. "Oh GDR, you shouldn't have cried so much. It wasn't good for you. Didn't I tell you not to cry?"

I just nodded a little, looking away. He grabbed my face and turned it back to him. I still trembled, only more. That had hurt…

"Don't cry next time."

I shuddered, nodding, crying.

Russia looked over at the monitor for my heart. "Am I scaring you?"

I nodded.

He smiled… that creepy smile… "I'm sorry about that. I can't help it if you feel bad for disobeying me."

I felt so sick…

"You're going to try harder next time right?" He smiled.

I nodded.

"Good." He smiled, walking out of the room, leaving me alone again… I didn't mind.

* * * Three years later * * *

Russia handed me the empty bottle and ordered me to get him another one. I did. I just nodded with a 'yes sir' and obeyed. I hated it. I felt so dead. So completely dead. How could I be just listening to him? I didn't fight him at all now. It'd been a long time since I'd fought him… I'd grown used to my fate… I hated that I had but I had. Fighting Russia was useless. How was I supposed to argue with that pipe? It had already broken almost every bone in my body… many more than once. I was smart enough not to pick a fight with it now… I avoided it like the Baltics did. I didn't even try to fight for them like I used to… I would stand with which ever two weren't being 'punished', feel horribly guilty for not doing anything, and look the other way… I didn't know who I was anymore. Russia kept trying to help. Trying to reassure me that everything was all right. That it was those outside, like my brother, who were the enemies. That I wouldn't believe. I would never believe that… never ever! I couldn't believe that the little boy I'd raised as a monster now… but… Russia was pretty convincing sometimes… but West had never hurt me. Just his boss… West would never hurt me… right?

It was late. I was tired. When Russia finally let me go home, and he did give me a small house, not just a little stone cell anymore, I collapsed in my bed and fell asleep. I woke at around 2am to a knock on the door…

"G…Gil?"

I knew that voice. I got up and opened the door. "Come here." I hugged the trembling little Baltic. "What's wrong?"

"Nightmares…" He looked up at me, tears in his eyes.

"About…?"

Latvia nodded and I understood. Who didn't have nightmares about Russia in this place?

"All right, you can stay." I smiled gently. I grabbed the extra blanket from the shelf and gave it to him as he curled up in my bed. I laid down beside him and wrapped my arms around him, since he was shivering and I was getting cold too. I pulled the blanket up and watched the little blond sleep. He reminded me so much of West when he was little. He'd kill me if I told anyone, but West used to be scared of thunder, he still is, just not as much. He used to come and crawl in with me every time there was a thunderstorm. Then he'd sleep peacefully… and I would watch him sleep. Tears filled my eyes. I did miss West… I missed him a lot…

Very suddenly Latvia started thrashing around, screaming. "Sh… sh…" I tried to sooth him… tried to wake him. When he did finally wake up his eyes were full of terror. "What happened?" I asked holding him gently as he clung to me.

"R…Russia…" He whispered, then started sobbing.

"Sh…" I rocked him a little gently. "I won't let him hurt you. He's not here." I bit my lip. _I won't let him hurt you… _how many times had I looked away already? Too many times…

He looked up at me, trembling. "N… no… he… he didn't hurt me… he… he hurt you…"

I was surprised. That had made Latvia cry like this? I hugged him. "It's ok. He doesn't hurt me anymore you know that."

"Yes he does! You just pretend it doesn't hurt…" Latvia cried.

I sighed. I couldn't deny that… "I…"

"Gil… please be careful." He hugged me.

I nodded. "Ok I will." I sighed.

"You're a good big brother."

That did it. As soon as he said that I started sobbing. I hadn't cried in a long time… it'd been too long since I'd cried. Every since I first got here I'd only cried alone… or… at least only sobbed alone…but I couldn't hold it back.

Latvia seemed to understand and he just hugged me. "It's ok…." He whispered, hugging me as I hugged him back.

I nodded, trying to get a hold of myself and calm down. After a few minutes I managed to. Then I looked at Latvia again with a sad smile.

"I'm tired Gil…" He laid back down on the pillow.

I smiled and rested my head beside his. "Ok." I smiled, pulling him into a hug. We both fell asleep. Less than an hour later we were both awakened to hear this unearthly shrieking… it was coming from the direction of Russia's room. Thunder rumbled outside and it was pouring. Something was going on and it wasn't good. I stood up to investigate but Latvia grabbed my hand.

"No! It's Russia! He's… he's having nightmares too… d… don't go in there he'll kill you!"

"I'm a country. I'm pretty hard to kill." I nodded.

"No… you… you don't understand! You can't go!"

"Let me go Latvia." I nodded.

He looked up at me then sighed, letting go. I may not be very awesome anymore but I'm still stubborn and everyone in the house knows it. The halls were dark, and with the thunder, lighting, and Russia's screams it was more than a little bit creepy. I found my way to his door… with a deep breath I opened in. I froze, just staring for a while. Russia was kicking and screaming on his bed, the covers tangled around him, his hair a mess… his face and arms were scratched and I could see from the blood on his fingers that he'd done it himself, though unintentionally it seemed…

"Russland!" I ran up to him and tried to wake him. He didn't fight me, he clung to me. "Wake up!" I tried to shake him. Eventually he did wake up, but still clung to me like a scared child.

"GDR?"

"It's ok… it was a dream…" I bit my lip. Would he be angry at me? I looked down at him and he looked up. His gaze drifting to my bruises… "Did I do that?"

I nodded with a sigh. "Ja…"

"I'm sorry…" He teared up.

"Russia… what was your dream?"

"I… Alexei… I… I watched him die again… I can't count how many times in my head I've watched him die…"

I bit my lip. I knew who he was talking about Alexei Romanov, the last little Prince of Russia, killed July 17th at 13 years old. He was stabbed with bayonets, shot in the chest, and eventually finished off with two shots to the head. No wonder Russia had nightmares…

"Sometimes I wonder if his ghost is in this house… or his sisters…" he sighed. "They were all so young…"

I nodded. "Russia…?" I was afraid to ask…

"Da?" He looked up at me.

"Why do you… I mean… this isn't working. You're people are dying… Stalin is…"

He sighed. "I know… but… but communism will work it's just… finding the right leader… he isn't Stalin… he's… he's killing my people…" he sighed.

I nodded. I agreed.

"I'll find a great leader someday… someday…" He sighed again. "Are you on my side Gilbert?"

I blinked. He'd never called me that before. I nodded. "Ja. I'm with you." I nodded.

He smiled sadly. "I'm glad…" He nodded, touching my bruise. "I'm so sorry…" He sighed. "Have I hurt the others? Are they all right?"

"You do hurt us… but… right now most of us are fine…" I nodded.

"Most of us?"

"Just me. I'm the only one a little banged up…"

Russia nodded with another sigh. "Again… I'm sorry."

I nodded back. "Can you sleep now?" I was so tired…

He smiled gently, a real, actual, human, non-creepy, smile. "Da. Spasiba."

I nodded with a smile in return and headed for the door.

"Oh and GDR?"

I turned back, "Ja?"

"I know when I wake up I won't remember any of this so… I'm sorry in advance if I hurt you again…" he sighed.

I smiled, nodding. "Yeah don't worry about it." I smiled.

He nodded back, falling asleep.

I went back to my room and did the same…


	14. Chapter 14: Broken

_IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG! *hugs everyone* I have been VERY busy working on Aladdin (I cannot Jazz or Tap dance to save my life =_=) and I just have had some pretty bad writers block. I've been cosplaying Italy lately more than Prussia, who I also cosplay, and I think that had something to do with it. I'm back to cosplaying Prussia more now though so hopefully this will all change soon! Anyway this is an interesting chapter because it goes from funny, to depressing, back to funny, back to depressing, back to funny. Reason being I think that the Baltics and Prussia would have to kinda joke around a little bit just so _**_they _**_could keep their own sanity. The first part is just Prussia being Prussia however XD Anyway, hopefully you will all enjoy this sadly rather short chapter. I hope it's short but sweet! Russia is one of my favorite characters right along with Prussia, France, Italy and Germany, (oh! Can't forget Austria and Hungary too!) so I had to give him some more likeableness. He's not as bad as he often seems. By the way, good luck on reading the very long German number. If you actually read through all that kudos to you! The inspiration from that came from my German lesson a few days ago. We were learning about numbers and how usually they just write the number instead of the words because the way the words go together ends up from looking ridiculous, to impossible to read. Have fun! Seriously though, I'll try to update more! *hugs* _

Chapter 14:

Broken

"I need that report." Russia snapped at me.

I sighed. I was so tired… "You work me so hard I don't have time to finish it!" I dared to speak up.

He slapped me and I backed off.

"You will not be allowed to sleep tonight until that report is finished." He walked away.

I sighed. He meant it. He'd figure out something to keep me awake… That something ended up being a bell in my room than rang every 10 minutes. Not enough time to sleep…

I looked at the papers and books on my desk… He wanted me to go through the daily, and weekly reports from my country every month and give him a totaled up monthly report. It was a long process, I was barely started, and I was several days late… I sat down at my desk and picked up the pen. I'd long ago given up really trying to fight Russia, but I'd still slip in little not-extremely-dangerous annoyances to him if I could. I tried to think of something…the bell rang. It rang twice more before I'd figured out a plan.

"Ok Russia, if you want me to stay up all right writing this report, I'll stay up _all _night!" I took out my pen and started writing down the numbers… writing out the numbers. Russia was starting to learn little bits of my language, and I knew he could count. He could count well enough to read the numbers I was writing down, but that didn't make it any easier.

"dritausendfunfhundertfearundachtzig…" I smirked. That was a big number, and a mouthful. The real number was 3,584. I could have used the numerals of course, but writing out all the numbers would be extremely annoying, but Russia couldn't really say I didn't do the reports. I did. I was just making it difficult.

I gave it to him the next morning. I thought better of it less than five minutes after handing it in. I REALLY thought better of it when he came to my house that afternoon.

"H…hi." I winced. I was in for it.

"Next time you try something like that you will pay for it. I'll let it slide this time. But not next time. Understand?"

I nodded, looking down.

"Make your report on time next month."

"Y…You're not going to… punish me?"

"Nyet." He walked away, slamming my door as he walked out.

I didn't know if that relieved me, or scared me.

I bit my lip and sat down on on my bed, shaking. I heard another knock at my door and I answered, trembling. It was Lithuania. "Hey." I bit my lip.

He walked in, putting his hand on my shoulder gently. "You shouldn't tease Russia."

I looked away.

"Come with me. I have to show you something."

I looked up at him and nodded, following. He let me into Russia's city streets… I looked around… everything looked so dead. Everything was so grey. The few people who were on the streets weren't smiling… I looked at Lithuania. "W…what is this?"

"Why you shouldn't tease him."

I looked right at Lithuania… I was starting to get it…

He just nodded. "Don't be mean to him. He lives with this."

I nodded. "But he-"

Lithuania stopped me. "I know. Believe me. I know."

I looked at him curiously.

He sighed deeply. "I think this'll help you. That's the only reason I'm doing this? Ok?"

I nodded.

He took my hand and pulled me back to my house. He locked the door and took off his shirt, turning his back to me.

I stared. "I…" I walked up to him and touched the scars on his back… "Are these real…?" They were so horrible I didn't want to believe it.

"Yes." He nodded, pulling on his jacket and turning back to face me. "Russia did that."

I nodded. I'd figured that out already.

"I know how you feel. I know why you want to hate him, why you want to jab at him and make him hurt." He sighed. "I hear you saw one of the nightmares?"

Again, I nodded. "He was… different…" I sighed.

"Yes. You haven't been here very long. The longer you stay, the more you'll understand. The more you'll see of that side of him that doesn't usually come out… I may be absolutely terrified of him, but I can't hate him. I can't. I've seen him too much… Seen enough of what what you saw that night to know he's even more broken than we are." He sighed.

"How can you say that, and carry those scars?"

"Because I know that the person who gave me those, and Russia… aren't the same."

"You're confusing me."

"Russia has moments of sanity. He does! But think about it. Have any of his leaders ever been kind to him? Name me one who didn't do something to hurt him?"

"His last Tzar wasn't that bad."

"His last Tzar dragged him into a war. Then Russia watched him and his children die. You saw it too, Russia uses his scarf to hide how many times he's tried to slit his own throat… Gil… don't be so hard on Russia."

I looked away.

"I know you're scared of him. We're all scared of him. But just try and remember what I showed you, what I said? I can't wait to get out of Russia's control, but while I'm here I can't hate him. I just can't. I've seen him cry too many times when he thought I wasn't looking."

I looked back at Lithuania. "He cries?"

"Every night."

I sighed, nodding. "I'll try and remember that." I nodded with a heavier sigh.

Lithuania only smiled. "He'll want dinner soon."

"If you're asking me to help cook it's a really really really really really bad idea." I said flatly.

"No." He laughed a little, "But you can still help."

I rolled my eyes, nodding. "Just don't hand me any expensive dishes." I smirked. We were just playing now. Both of us knew we were just hiding pain, even though we did it all the time. It was all just a game now… just a stupid stupid game…

"Gil…?" He looked back at me.

"Yeah?"

"You will remember, right?"

I sighed deeply, nodding. "Yes. I will.

"Good." He nodded back, and walked away.

I sighed again, grabbing my coat and heading out to walk to Russia's house to help bring him dinner and hopefully not break anything in the process. I failed by the way. I dropped two cups before Latvia decided to bring Russia his tea.


	15. Chapter 15: Betrayal

**CURSE YOUR WRITERS BLOCK!** - that's about all I have to say =_= oh! That and **I'M REALLY SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER!** Oh and Aladdin is going really well! We just have two more weeks so HOPEFULLY I'll be updating more often. :D yay! This chapter has an interesting twist. I'm curious to know if you think Russia is lying or telling the truth. You're not going to find out for quite some time, but I'm curious to know what you think XD

Chapter 15

Betrayal

"LET ME SEE WEST!" I screamed at Russia, sobbing. He slapped me. I hardly noticed I was so used to it. "Why can't I see him?" I fell to my knees crying.

"You don't understand." He sighed. "He's not who you think he is…"

"S…shut up…" I looked up at him, tears streaming.

"Oh GDR…" He knelt beside me and put his arm around me. "You don't understand…"

I let him hug me. Even hugged back. He always comforted me now.

"I need to show you something." He sighed, taking my hand and leading me into the study in the house. He spent a few minutes searching though files on his computer before he found what he was looking for. "Here…" He sighed again. He pulled me gently to the computer and played a video. It was the four big countries talking. Just like they had been when I'd gone in to save my brother… then West walked in. I looked at the time stamp on the video. It was more than two hours before I'd done said volunteering. He talked with them for a while, and I couldn't make it out, the audio on the video wasn't good, but I knew they were shouting. Russia messed with some settings on the video and the audio got a bit clearer, and he turned up the volume.

"I need to rebuild!" West shouted at them. "My people were destroyed by this war!"

"We know that. Russia can help you." England said flatly and calmly.

"I don't want Russia's help! This is something I need to do alone." West still yelled at them.

"There's nothing to be done. At the world meeting we will announce it."

"Nein! I won't go! Take East! I'm not going." Then he stormed out.

It felt like someone punched me. He… WHAT!? I stared at the screen when the video ended. I didn't move, just stared at the screen. "D…did you… make this up?" I whispered.

Russia sighed and put his hand on my shoulder. "Nyet… I didn't…"

I closed my eyes, tears falling down my cheeks as I did. Turning back I looked up at Russia… were those tears in his eyes too.

"I'm so sorry GDR…" He whispered. "I thought I should show you once I found that…"

I nodded. "I… danke… I…" I bit my lip, starting to cry harder… He squeezed my shoulder comfortingly, and I turned to hug him, clinging to him for comfort and crying on his shoulder. He hugged me back.

"Sh… sh…" He cooed with a sigh. "I'm so sorry…"

I just sobbed…

"This is your home now." He whispered. "I'll take care of you."

I nodded, still sobbing.

"Now." He pried me off his shoulders and looked at me, slipping off his glove and brushing away my tears. "You should go clean up." He smiled almost tenderly. Was this what a Sane Russia was like? I just nodded, getting up and walking away…

"GDR?" He stopped me before I had cleared the door.

"Ja?" I turned back to look at him.

"I won't ask you to work the rest of today." He nodded.

"Danke." I smiled gratefully. I walked out of his study and straight to the medicine cabinet. Who cared anymore? I took everything and went back to my room, locking the door and pulling out what I'd taken. I ignored all the 'safety' stuff and just got some of the drug into my arm as fast as I could… and not a low dose. I felt a little better instantly, never mind that I felt guilty too. I hid all the drugs and syringes and needles and flopped on my bed where I cried and cried and cried… until the drugs kicked in and I relaxed… and eventually fell asleep.

I woke up to Latvia cleaning the broken vein in my arm. I pulled it away. "Good morning." I smiled.

"It's the middle of the night Gil…" He sighed.

"Oh… what are you doing up?"

"Checking on you." He smiled sadly.

I sighed. "How did you know?"

"The medicine cabinet wasn't organized and I saw what was missing."

"Why were you in the medicine cabinet?" My stomach dropped. Somehow me taking drugs was ok, but not Latvia.

"Headache." He sighed.

"Latvia…?" I wasn't sure if I believed him…

"Really Gil. I wouldn't… do this…" he pointed to my arm. I bruised so easily… the skin was broken and the bruise was huge… VERY obvious. At least it was cold enough to warrant long sleeves. Winter was coming on and it was colder by the day.

"Please stop doing this Gil." Latvia started crying.

"I… I can't."

"Please!"

"Latvia don't cry…" I touched his cheek.

"But you're scaring me!" He was crying more now.

I sighed.

"Latvia…"

"Fine! Keep doing it! Keep killing yourself!" He threw down the cloth he was using on my arm and crumpled into a little puddle of tears.

I sighed, crawling down next to him and holding him. "Sh… sh… Latvia please don't cry… please don't cry…"

"Please don't do this to yourself anymore Gil… please don't…" He sobbed.

I choked, trying hard not to cry too. "Latvia…

"Gil…" He looked at me, his big eyes shinning up at me, his tears streaming.

"I… I can't…"

Latvia stood up, picking up the cloth and the rest of the first aid stuff. He put the gauze bandage into my hand and walked out of my room without another word…

I sat down on my bed. What just happened? Did Latvia really just leave me like that? Had I hurt him that much? I called for him again. Then I ran out of my room and found him crying in my living room.

"Oh Latvia…" I hugged him.

"Gil stop! Please stop!" He sobbed.

"Ok… Ok I'll try…D…does Russia know?" I winced. I'd found where he kept the drugs several months ago and had been using on and off since then.

"No." Latvia sighed.

"How long have you known?"

"Since you started the first time." He sighed.

I winced. "You didn't tell me you knew…"

"I didn't want you to get mad at me…"

"I wouldn't have gotten mad at you." I sighed, hugging him.

I smiled sadly. "Just… stop using them? Please?" He sighed.

I nodded. "Ok I'll stop." I sighed.

"I'll help you as much as I can." He smiled up at me.

I smiled back. "Thanks Latvia." I hugged him. "You should go back now. I don't want Russia to get mad at you…"

He nodded. "See you in the morning." He smiled.

I nodded. "Yeah."

He walked out and I sobbed. I fell asleep on the couch after crying myself to sleep. Again.


End file.
